ReD CoLoR

woohoo... it's last day of the mth and it's friday! hehehe.. a cool windy friday nite. sitting in the rm with window closed (except the top one), can also feel the wind outside. tmr's the 1st day of september. ahem... it's SEPTEMBER! for those who still doesnt knw wad's goin on in september, pls refer to ur rite hand side on the screen now. hehehhehe.. i buay paisay....

*

today's the 3rd day im on my own @ work. ytd din managed to hit target again. had my records written in red on the board again. boohoo. but the fact tt many others got theirs red too was a consolation. actually i shld not worry so much. im new, so they cant expect too much out of me. but the prob is, tog with me, there r another 2 newbies and 1 of them managed to hit target for both days. spoil mkt... in a way, i was affected lor. sure pple will compare btw the 3 of us since we entered at the same time. lucky the other gal also never hit target... but her performance still better than me. haii..

*
but i felt much better after this colleague spoke to me. was telling her tt the red color demoralises me. then she sd she doesnt expect the red color to go away in another 4 mths time. then i was like "wah lau eh... so demoralising...". then she said it takes time to get the hang of everything and for newbies like us, it will most likely take 6 to 8 mths b4 we can really hit target. then i told her tt the other new guy can hit lei... then she said wad for compare? compare will only stress myself up. wad is the pt of doing everything so fast and managed to hit target but in the end the things were nt properly done and other pple had to "clear up"? most imptly is to do things properly so as not to create trouble for others. erm... is she implying tt the guy is not doing his work properly? anw, she ended off telling me nt to stress myself up and if im so hard on hitting target and so affected by the red color, i wont survive.

*

i knw she's rite. there shldnt be comparison.. but.. given the competitive me... haii. it's really quite demoralising and stressing to see red everyday. time to work harder. time to get out of the red color.

*

but the slacking side of me is saying " wad for? u r new, wad for try so hard? pple's expectations will only grow and grow and grow. if u perform so well nw, they will expect more out of u in future. so, don perform so well yet. and, the incentives will not come in until 6mths later whn ur cfmed. so relax and juz sit ard.. take it easy. not even one mth and alr stress by results? r u nuts??? "

*

hahah.. the angel and the devil. lol~

*

and the tuition centre.. they needed pple for the wkend. and i can only offer sundays. but then... the salary really quite pathetic lei. im reluctant to spend so many hours yet earning so little. but my ex-supervisor alr asked me many times and i kept rejecting. quite paisay to reject somemore. hmm... im free la.. but.. the pay... a real turnoff..

CoLd WaR

haha.. finally ended the cold war with tt fat boy. well.. maybe this time it's my fault. but cant really blame me. i was angry, tt's y i did not care. i did not mean it. so pls stop complaining tt i do not care and tt im not a gd gf. hmm.. i admit most of the time, im nasty. but there r times when im really nice too, rite? remember harry potter? haii.. whenever u think tt i don treat u gd, then try and think of the gd times when i do treat u gd ok? everything also got ups and downs de rite? i cannot always be nice, but i wont always be nasty too, yea? hehe.. don angry with me le la hubby dear. sincerely apologise to u. and i hope it was purely me being over-suspicious. u better not lemme know tt u lied or is lying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*

been quite some time since we had such a long cold war. hmm... when can both of us be mature enuff to avoid conflicts? but then again, how can a relationship be a relationship if there is no conflict at all? it's unhealthy. yep, it's gd to have quarrels and wars at times. haha.. lousy theory..

*

today im finally left on my own at work. hmm.. not too bad la. well, it's juz a job. don take it too hard. time do passes v fast though. after a while, lunchtime alr. then after another while, knock off alr. tian ahh... so scary.. time is passing far far too fast.

*

and.... im missing it ALL OVER AGAIN. o man... i hope.. there will be a chance @ yr-end. i wish. time to work harder!!!

LuNaR 7tH MonTh

today's the lunar 14th of july. every yr, during lunar 7th mth, we have to fold those incense paper and bring downstairs to burn. then gotta pray at home and mum will cook feast. mmm.. one of the "happening" chinese festival tt my family will "celebrate". but ever since ah ji convert to catholic, she no longer join us during 7th month "celebration" le. so now only left me and pa to help ma fold those incense paper and help out at home, like today. ah kor.. as usual.. always mia.. lol~

*

im looking forward to the seventh mth dinner though. every yr ma will be invited to this seventh month dinner. that kind where pple can bid stuff. hehe... got yummy food to eat. i like! looking forward ;)

*

tmr's monday. monday bluuuuuuuueee... may friday come quick. and may the new week be a gd one!

StaRRy

wahhh... new blogskin ... so starry..... hahhaa... i love stars.. 5 sharp edges... intimidating.. yet, at the same time, beautiful. stars are motivating... i wanna be a star in everything tt i do. a shiny shiny little star. lol ~ i knw when im tired, i'll talk nonsense.

*

1am plus.. and i havent bath yet. i can see myself suffering frm reuthmatism 10 yrs down the road.

*

last fri... had the worse day since work started. don know y, suddenly felt v demoralised. mundane job, limited job scope, limited personal growth/development, no sense of belonging, no feel of being welcomed by colleagues, no room to learn things tt i tink im capable of. so wad if i work in a reputable bank? so wad if my designation is senior officer? so wad if my pay is able to meet my expectation? so wad if i can knock off on the dot? all juz look nice on the surface... but inside... oh..

*

actually, there's nthing wrong with the job. juz tt i think it's too easy. doesnt really add to my resume.not much job satisfaction. tt's the one and only concern. i guess things are always greener on the other side of the hill. if it's tough work and long hours, i'll complain. if it's low pay, i'll complain. now i cannot learn much, i also complain. i knw i should be contented and thankful. im well-paid by doing a simple job. i shld be v happy, shldn't i? but.. human beings r jux weird. or maybe, it's juz me. but then, im always thankful de leii.. but this time round, when it comes to job issues... somehow, i don know wad r the things tt can really satisfy me. i also dont really know wad i wanna in a job. is it the money? the job satisfaction? the prestige? the learning opportunities? the amt of stress? the amt of working hours? the ans is: to strike an optimal in all. but am i soo lucky enuff to find a job tt can give me optimal amt of all these factors?

*

whatever it is,i definitely will not quit now. only a loser will give up only after 2 wks. hahaha... once, i was such a loser. went work for 1 day only and quitted. jc1, if i remembered clearly, at tiong bahru's giftland. lol~ soo young and hot and implusive. nw cannot so impulsive liao. watever happens, also must tahan at least till yr-end. and if i can make it to yr-end, i believe i will make it to march next yr... by then alr 6 mths, hopefully can be confirmed and have a share in the bonus. wahhahhaah...

*

nw i'll juz sit ard and learn wad im suppose to learn. i'll do my best. if after a few months, still cannot make it, then we'll c how. rite now, i shld be open and positive. it's only the 2nd week. relax man. everything takes time. don worry unduly. u neber know wad will happen.

*

see? i juz knew im gd in self-physcoing.

*

alrite.. time to bath.. and it's 1.42am. omg~

2nD WeEk

yea! it's friday tmr. can dress down, can relax, can juz wait for the day to end and welcum the wkend.

*

2nd wk @ work le. still attached to my mentor cuz passwords for the various systems not available yet. mmm... i hope working time will pass as fast when im on my own.

*

though it's the 2nd wk already, but i cant say i feel v welcumed by my new colleagues. i wont say tt they r unfriendly, but they r definitely not v friendly also lor. it's like 客客气气 de lor.. and to me, one is only 客气 to another when they r not 熟. somehow, i feel tt there is a kind of barrier btw them and me. when i went lunch with them, i can feel the reservation in them. i believe they will behave differently and talk more openly if i werent there. even my mentor. during work time, he's nice and teaches me alot. but during lunch or wad, he also doesnt talk much to me. hm... don know lorr.. i feel awkward also la. when they r having conversations, i don know if i shld listen and join in the conversation. i tried starting conversations by asking questions and getting to knoe them more. but im the newbie lei, cant always expect me to start conversations by asking them abt themselves and work rite... like so kpo like tt. if they ask me, i'll be glad to share and start conversations. but they never really talk so indepth with me.

*

maybe it's juz the 2nd week. cant rush into things. give pple more time ba.. afterall, im new and pple will need more time to "accept" me. lucky i have another 2 newbies with me. but it's not always tt we get to lunch together. mm.. see how la. i too became v reserve abt going lunch with the old birds.i don even know if they wanna me to join in the v 1st place. boo~ and somehow, i don feel as if im a permanent staff there. i kept feeling like a temp staff. weird. heard tt there will still be newbies coming in. i hope they'll come in soon. then i'll wont feel so raw.

*

and, since the arrival of the 3 of us, there were many changes implemented. the productivity of everyone in the department will be displayed daily on this big white board. and those who doesnt meet the target will have their data written in red. woohoo... shiok xia...

*

and then.. there's this "break system". every hr, there is a specific time slot for us to go for break, be it the toilet, the pantry or wad. other than the specific slot, u cannot leave ur place. i think the head came up with this system cuz he saw many pple mia-ing. now, u must be thinking how silly and dumb this is rite? how can they control us like tt?? i tot it was ridiculous too. but then, if u give it more tot, it's actually better for us. every hour, there is a specific, official 10-mins break. which means tt for one day, we have 80 mins of official break time. and, it is official lei. u can take the full 10min to relax lei. imagine, if w/o this system, will u "dare" to mia for a full 10mins? and if w/o this system, i think i wont go out of office every hour lorr... but now tt this system is in place, i can happily go away for 10 mins every hour. it's really not tt bad lei. in fact, im glad this is in place. it makes time pass faster. :)

*

maybe the 3 of us are considered jinx to them. cuz ever since our arrival, so many new changes took place. and maybe tt's y, they don really welcum us. hahha.. ok... im too sensitive.

*

and.... i havent been visiting the toilet for big business regularly. gosh.. i feel so damn unhealthy. i've been avoiding veg and fruits. no choice. i really don like veg and fruits.... diaoo... how to make my bowels move??! opps~ i apologise if u had juz taken a meal or going for a meal soon.

Mid-WeEk

o great. it's wed. how time flies. mmm... tmr alr thurs, then fri... and then tada! it's weekend! but soon, it'll be back to monday. and the cycle goes on and on and on...

*

when i was a student and when i happened to go sch at the same time as those who r going to work, i used to look at those pple rushing for work. early in the morning.. rush for transport, be it the bus or the mrt, sqz in the bus/mrt and reached workplace. then look 4ward to lunchtime and go for lunch when the time's reached. after lunch come back n look forward to knock off. finally knock off then maybe go for some entertainment and go home. then at 12am, slp. and the next morning, the whole cycle will take place again.... wake up -> work -> lunch -> knock off -> home -> slp........ and this will go on for another 40yrs. woah. impressive, isnt it?

*

i remembered clearly telling a jc fren when i was in jc, tt i don know how life will be after end-of-sch. i wouldnt wanna lead a mundane life as the one i stated above. yet, at the v v hidden back of my mind, i know one day, i will have to follow such a routine too. i know everyone goes thru this and this is juz L-I-F-E. and like every other ordinary person, this is the kind of life i will have to lead.

*

many often say tt one is in control of one's life. is it? i sincerely do not think so.

*

days pass like nobody business now. one day by one day. very soon, i'll lose my youth to this so-called L-I-F-E. how? suddenly life seemed a little meaningless and tt im simply wasting my youth.

*

born - grow up - school- work- married- give birth-retire-grow old- die. is there a way to change this routine?

101th PosT

this is the number 101 entry of my blog. hehe..

*

met up with ntu frens after work. supposed to have 8 of us. but in the end only 4 turned up. boo!!! ate at this la mian xiao long bao restaurant in citylink... the asian kitchen's the name, if i recalled correctly. after tt we all lombang ah yan's cab, since she can claim frm her co. hehee.... thanks ah yan.

*

work's as usual, still ok. hasnt bored me to death yet. but i guess it wont take too long. juz now discussion with frens, we more or less came to a conclusion tt one wont last long on the 1st job. my explanation is tt, most of the times, fresh grads like us r desperate. so watever jobs tt r reasonable, we'll grab. but when we really start on the job, then we'll realise the flaws of the job, be it the pay, the pple, the culture, the learning opps or watsoever. and juz now, yl mentioned tt she envies those who r still schooling. for me, i still prefer working life than school life. but then, i have a feeling tt v soon, i'll wish i were back in school again. anw, nw only the start of my 2nd wk. seriously there's nothing to comment. must wait till at least a mth, then can see if i really can enjoy the job not. so wait ba.

*

and, somehow, when one is working, one will wish to study more. it's weird. it's like when ur studying, u wish u can say bye bye to studying life 4eva. but when u come out to work, u will wish tt u had study more. im thinking of taking a 2nd degree. juz to value-add myself and open myself to more opportunities. but this 2nd degree, it will be a totally diff field frm my ntu deg. maybe psy, maybe socio, maybe hr. but now is definitely not the time. afterall, i juz left sch. at this v mmt, i have no wish at all to touch bks again. maybe a few years down the road ba. when im sick of working life le, then can take up some studying to motivate myself. but then, as i know myself soo well, most of the time, it's juz ATANA -------------- All Talk And No Actions. Oppppsssss..........

It's FriDay!

yeah.. it's gonna be friday soon! the long-awaited friday. hmm.. till now, i still haven really started on the job. think next week then will really start le ba. basically it's a simple job la. my only concern now is the value adding part. it's impt to go into jobs tt can value-add us and add on to our resume.. but apparently this job's rather simple lei.. not much of a value-adding... haii.. don know lorr.. feel tt im not learning anything v valuble leii...

*

the gd thing abt this job though is tt i can leave on-the-dot. 630 means 630. but actually i don mind ot. cuz even if do ot, latest also only until 8pm. then can claim money also. if everyday ot till 8pm, per mth can receive abt $400 more leii.. it's gd money.. but then, i heard tt if there's nothing to do, they wont let u ot also.. boo...

*

now i need a pillow, a mirror, a cup, some nice tea-bags/drink powder, some pics, hp stand, tissue papers... to decorate my desk. lol~

"H"

the alphabet "h" can stand for many things for instance, "h"uiping. haha.. but today not going to discuss my name la. but "h"ell and "h"eaven. lol ~

*

today's not exactly hell, but it's definitely not heaven either. or maybe, it's gonna be hell, juz not yet. ok.. sorry for chim-mifying things, again.

*

nothing much. juz hands-on. boring. boring. and boring. and, this job.. it's really not something tt i really wanna do. all thanks to me rushing into things. now regret also no use liao. i can quit, but i cannot afford to wait and go thru the whole damn process again. all i can do is pray and hope things will not be as bad as wad i foresee. but if it's really bad, and i quit after 3 mths, then it's gonna be real ugly on my resume. work 3 mths and quit.. wad loser. if i don even mention in my resume tt i worked full-time b4, then prospective employer will definitely question wad i did for the past few mths. then say wad? went travelling ard the world? or went help out in some family business? but then again, they can easily conduct a chk on me with cpf board or iras. both will have records of my emplyment.. how to cheat? haii..

*

ok, why am i even thinking of quitting when it's only the 1st day of work? when did i become such a pessimist and such a damn loser? omg...

*

the few colleagues tt i got to knoe r mostly dip holder. so y r they hiring me to do a dip holder job? the pay mite be higher, but personal development and growth r quite limited. i cannot foresee myself learning alot of impressive things. sure i'll learn something, but nothing impressive, i guess.

*

brought up this concern to hubb.. and he said im a weird person. all the while i did not want a job tt requires v technical and v bnf skills. now tt i got one, im complaining abt not being able to learn alot. yes.. he's rite.. im weird.

*

i guess the only thing i really like abt the new job, is the drink dispenser. many drinks to choose frm. most importantly, got my fav mocha, both hot and cold! wooHoo!

AfteR-ThOuGhTs

nothing much happened today. lol~ went to the hr @ raffles place for an one-day orientation. and.. i was late! missed the damn bus and waited for quite a while for the next bus to arrive. and, there was a jam! sooo irritating! in the end late for 10mins and the hr person called me up. diaoo.. lucky the orientation hadnt started when i arrive. briefing, play games, quite slack. and the whole thing ended at 5pm. wooHoo! tmr then will go to my office @ HDB hub.. so far.. no straight bus.. sian.. sian.. SIAN...! and i guess.. hell will start tmr..

*

looking back, the whole process of securing a job was soo soo soo tedious and long. i remembered loitering alone in the cbd area, waiting to go for interviews. i remembered going to different places on one same day for interviews. i remembered pple offering me pathetic pays tt made me doubt my worth. i remembered how depressed some interviews left me. i remembered the struggle i went thru. i remembered the uncertainties and stress. i remembered consulting soooo many pple - frm colleagues, frens, family to professors. soo soo many things... there's only 1 word to describe - SCARY. i hope it will be v v long until the next time i have to go thru this process again. i sincerely sincerely hope so.

*

and.. i must say.. throughout this whole process, i did not "perform" well. i was confused, i was indecisive, i couldnt make my own decisions, i was fickle, i had to ask sooo many pple for opinions.. all these simply show how incapable i was. like i wasnt in control of my life.

*

but frm now on.. i will try. im in control. i will make my own decisions. i will be decisive. i can take care of myself. im fully capable of being in control. im strong. i can.

*

juz some self-psychoing again.

*

and today,i finally got my eye-brow professionally trimmed! ouch! :)

FrEnCh FriEs

previously i felt like a sperm -- busy swimming with millions of other sperms, but only one of us will get in and fertilise the egg. now, i feel like a french fry -- a small piece of potatoe waiting to be dump into the big pot of hot sizzling oil to be fried.

*

tmr will be the long-awaited day. i know it's gonna be tough. somehow, i have a bad feeling. a feeling tt i'll be v miserable and unhappy. don ask me why cuz i don know. i juz hope this feeling is due to anxiety and nervousness and it's juz illusionary.

*

somehow, this time, im not as relax as tt time when i tot i was going to start on the tuition centre. tt time i was all ready and looking forward. but this time, i juz feel v sian and unhappy. i think the zeal in starting on a new job's long gone. waited too long till it's all gone already. or maybe, i had conveniently sterotyped the banking environment as stressful and full of politics. how i hope i can part-time forever. no heavy responsibilities, no one bothers to involve me in their politics, no need for meetings, no need for reports, happy-go-lucky everyday. but i know, all of us must grow up one day. and tmr will be that day when a new chapter of my life starts. im a grown up. i must go out into the society and shoulder the responsibilities. i must step out of my comfort zone. i must face it. i must conquer it. i know it's tough but i know i can do it because if everyone else can, y cant i?

*

the job... i cant say it's something tt i really wanna do. maybe tt's another reason as to y im so reluctant and unhappy. but, i am already at this step. wad else can i do except to go ahead? ntu is still sending us emails on employers recruiting grads and there r jobs which im really interested in. but i cant take actions, can i? perhaps, i should have waited and not rush into things. now tt im at this stage, whatever i say is of no use. tmr, i'll still have to start.

*

again, some psychological preparations. i need them more than ever.

*

1- whatever happens, stay calm and do not take it too personal. DO NOT let pple or things ard u affect you too much!

2- nothing will be easy and beginning will always be hard. Trust that things will only get better.

3- time flies! b4 u know it, u have already adapt to everything and ur pay is ever increasing!

4- be nice to pple. even to those who r nasty to u.

5- but if pple wants to play evil, then show them who can be more evil.

6- don lose temper or lose control! u have grown up and should be in full control of ur emotions. DO NOT display ur negative emotions too much.

7- do ur best. make the best out of everything. even if they ask u to do crap, believe tt u still can learn something out of doing crap.

8- 忍,忍,忍, 百忍能成金!

*

jiayou huiping, u can do it and u will do it! and tmr's the 1st day of the lunar seventh month.. wahhhh.....

*

finally purchase the sammi cheng's concert tix! woohoO! there goes my $168 + $2 sistic svc charge. but in return, we got free movie tix for Gone Shopping starring kym ng and adrain pang. errmmm.. i don wanna comment, but i wont recommend the show. yepp.. watch at ur own risk. wahh.. so qiao.. now 933 playing sammi's song! hehehhe... 13th oct.. looking 4ward!

*

ok..all the best tmr!

HapPy BiRtHdAy SiNgApoRe!

it's national day! happy birthday singapore.
*
*

went out with hubb to bugis and shopped. managed to get myself a pair of shoes. and tt boy... he got angry with me cuz he tot i shopped too long!.. wad the... he doesnt used to be like tt de lorr.. last time so nice and sweet.. shopped damn long with me also no complains. now the fox tail come out liao lorr.. show the true self liao.. acc me shop for a while then will lose temper liao.. argh! irritating!pissed! wad else is there to do except shopping?! kao.. not my fault tt there's no better program than shopping rite! always so impatient when shopping with me.. today even complain like don know how long lorr.. kb me all the way frm the time we left seiyu till we reached the bus stop to take bus home lorr.. wahh...angry la! next time don go out with him le lar! always spoil my shopping mood!

*

in the end, we went home and watched national day parade. diao.. took 131 home. could have alighted at esplanade, since 131 will pass that area. but... there were juz too many pple.. and we "dare not" alight. really many pple.. coming home will be a big prob. so we tabao dinner home and ate while watching ndp. lucky never go sqz with pple... cuz frm my house, we can also view the firework display quite clearly. hehe..

*

**

*

this is tt irritating boy with his harry potter book which is bought by me for him! so much for buying him tt bk as a surprise gift lorr.. so ex can.. in the end.. he treated me like tt lor. fine! treating me lousier and lousier.. wahh kaozz!!! #@&!*#^!@^#!*@)!(#_!@) i cant help but feel sad for myself :(

She's HeRe !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg.. she's really here.. shld i? shld i not? shld i? shld i not? $168.. mmmmmmmmmmmmm........

**************************************

ok.. these pics were taken on 4th july. should have posted long long ago.. but bro took the camera away.. so cant upload till now. so these r my crescent sch mates. went out to celebrate ah min's bday. hehhe..

the bday gal.. bay shimin.. acting cute lorr! hahha..


guimei on the left and juliana on the rite

tt's us! we named ourselves the xiao(3) xiao(3) gang aka xxg.. hah.. supposed to have shirley and weili too. but they couldnt make it tt day


ate at this sun with moon (or moon with sun?? aiyer.. something like tt lar.. cant rem..) jap restaurant @ the central mall. this is my salmon fish roe rice. saw tt hour class? supposed to keep the rice covered until the sand in the hour class falls all to the other side, then can remove the cover and eat. interesting.. ehh... but the rice not v v nice lar.. and somemore damn ex lorr.. boo


no bday cake but got bday muffins!

me n gm~ used to be my partner in sec 3 or issit sec 4 ? hahahah..

tada! okay..yes.. ah min is my lesbian gf since crez days.. :)

yepp.. so these r my frens frm sec sch.. again.. the v few whom i still keep in contact with frm sch. wanling, shimin, and shirley... i've known them since sec 1.. which means, next yr, we will be stepping into the 10th yr of our friendship. for gm,jul and weili, we only know each other in sec 3. so is like 8 yrs? time flies... it's great to have frens growing together with u.. to see how each other develope... how each other change over the years. with years, our topics also slowly change.. frm last time studies, frens, and gossip abt teachers, til now bgr, marriage, work etc..o man.. we r really growing old.. haii

My JC MaTes

yesterday met up with my jc mates - bee and jon. supposed to have zh too.. but that guy last min back out due to flu. went to eat at billy bombers. heheh..

tt's jon and beehubb and jon

me and bee!

*

ok.. this pic.. jon was trying to accomdate the camera.. but ended up with a weird expression and weird head angle. hahah..
*

these guys have been my frens for 5 years le.. how time flies.. bee was in the same class as me.. jon and zh were frm my 1st 3 mths class.. then hubb and zh later ended up in the same class after 1st 3 mths. and.. all of us joined the same cca - table tennis. complicated? anyway, they r one of the v few frens whom i maintain contact with frm jc. really do cherish them. do meet up constantly frenx! and.. all the v best in wadever u all r endeavoring.. bee with her v challenging work.. and the guys with their v impt tiertiary studies. jiayou all!