Life

boss's dad passed away on 28may. according to boss, the dad was 81yrs ago and got to undergo an ops. if undergo the ops, he might survive. but if dont, he will definitely go. boss was lucky cuz the dad was still lucid and he could decide himself.

now imagine, if the dad was unconscious and the decision to do or not do the ops lies on the children, how is the decision going to be made?

that starts me thinking. who are we to decide whether to do the ops or not? who are we to decide whether he should do the ops, suffer the pain and ordeal and pray that he'll survive? or decide not to do the ops and juz let him leave? do we have the right to decide?? yet given that kind of situation, a decision have to be made. gosh.

boss's dad decided not to go for the ops. and so, he's prepared to go. boss told the doc to let him go with less pain, and i suppose strong drugs were given to the dad. boss said they waited.. and slowly.. the pressure became lower and lower.. and lower..

so, u knew he will die and u are juz waiting for that moment to happen. that moment to see him slowly breath his last.

when boss told us, her eyes were a little teary, but she did not tear. as i hear, i wanted so much to tear too.

for her dad, it was still not that bad, cuz afterall, he's a dear old man in his 80ies. but if it were someone who shouldnt have left.. but u are juz waiting, helplessly, knowingly that in the next few hrs, he will leave. how?

well, at least u are prepared. at least u know it's coming. still way and much better than those sudden, unprepared leaving.

******

on the other hand, my colleague gave birth today. she's one superwoman, cuz up till ytd, she's still at work. cuz of the position of the baby in her womb, she had no choice but to go for ceserian and ytd, she told us the ops will be this morning at 7am.

isnt it amazing? for 9mths he was inside you, and u know that he will get out of you tmr morning at 7am and a new life arrive on this earth. i juz tot it's really interesting to know exactly when ur baby is arriving. juz like ytd, i already know the baby bday will be on 2.6.2011. ha.

*****

life.... it's really interesting, isnt it? it's really a cycle.

as i age, i really think time passes really fast. now im 26yrs old.. gosh.. 26! suddenly u look back, u wonder what have u been doing all these 26yrs.

from young, i see working pple's mundane life. now, im going thru it myself. day by day, year by year.

morning to work, then lunch, then back home, dinner, sleep and the next day starts again and the whole routine starts again.

this is not what i want. yet no one escapes from it.

why?

what is the meaning of life?? what is it that i really want in life? in this really short life...

but given my experience.. i know what u think u want, when u really get it, it may not be what u want afterall. haha. ironic eh?

hiaz.

im really confused. think this is the quarter life crisis. u are not young, u are not old. u are not as fresh as some1 juz out from sch but neither are u as old bird as someone in their mid-age who no longer wants to fight but juz want a stable life till he/she retires.

u expect more from work and life but u are nowhere. i feel as if im stuck somewhere. dont know how to move forward, dont know where to go, dont know what to do, dont know what i want.

at work, mr irritating is away for surgery until futher notice. the most amazing thing is, no one knows what's wrong with him cuz he refused to reveal, not even to the boss. i dont know how urgent is this surgery, but he defintely looks fine to me. and i was told, this is not the 1st time that he chose to go away for surgery when we are really short in manpower. i have nothing more to say about this person.

so at work, from a team of 6, it became a team of 3 and sometimes only 2. and boss on compassionate leave and wasnt ard this whole wk. so we are a down team with no head. we were given some 'discount' in our workload given such a situation, but it's still very heavy. best thing is, other teams think we are having a good time becuz of the 'discounts' and it seems like all our actions are being scrutinised by pple. when we leave earlier than the rest, pple start saying that we can go off early yet they have to stay late to do their work etc etc.

haiz. really dont know what's wrong. why is it always the pple who go to work who get penalised?

at work, so many requests coming in all at the same time. im really losing my sense of prioritisation.

i want to take this opportunity to show that i can survive and i can handle all requests calmly and postively. but im really not superwoman. and to start with, im always pessismistic. ok, maybe not pesimistic, but im mostly not a positive person. when something happens, my 1st reaction is usually bad and get angry/upset first. maybe that's y after all these yrs, im still stuck at where im, cuz of my attitude....

lost.

maybe.. i really should juz forget all the worries and burden and juz......