Wah kaoz... sometimes im really disgusted by pple who are so calculative.. 为了money撕破脸皮... kaoz.. abit of money only ma.. need to keep reminding ma? thru the phone, thru the sms... not sian one mehh?? not as if im not going to pay back rite? so gun cheong for wadd? buay tahan lar... arghhh...y so like tt ?? i really so not trustworthy meh?? owe a little money also must breathe down my neck mehh?? even if i don return, cannot juz take it tt the money is spent on a present for me meh?? cannot lar... pple are not tt nice and generous. yeah.. i know. 50 bucks means bloody alot. matter of life and death. and im being accused of being 不自动. woohoo.. tt's the last straw. 50 bucks juz to see a true someone! worth it!
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anyway... my dilemma's not solved yet. ok.. shall stop being mysterious.. basically there are a few options..
1) job a - can earn alot if got many clients. but it's too tough. i rejected already.
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2) job b - v interesting job. nothing to do with bnf. im v interested. but pay bloody low. i feel so insulted by the pay they are offering and i wonder how they can still manage to recruit degree holders. maybe some pple really go for interests and not money. but sorry, i need to eat and i need to provide for the family. i not so 幸福 till can go for 兴趣 and don care abt money. and i rejected. to think tt their office is in tanjong pagar.. haiii... disappointment..
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3) job c - familiar pple, familiar environment, super good superior (the immediate superior i mean, the higher up ones.. im not too sure.. ) my only concern is the pay. not low, but slightly lower than my expectation. hmmm.. i really don wanna appear to be money-faced. but then.. it's my 1st job after soooo many years. i really hope at the end of each month, i can give a decent amt to ma and pa. a few hundreds do make a diff. right?
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4) job d - local bank job. but apparently, i was not encouraged to take it cuz there's not much room for development. as in, if u take this position, then next time if u wanna jump to other areas in the banks, it's kidda hard. anyway, mon's 2nd interview. maybe they don even wan me. see how.
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5) job e - foreign bank job. job will expose me to many areas in the bank. im quite interested. but 1st interview's in early july. apparently, culture of the country in which tt bank originates, is a culture whereby they like to employ their own pple. own pple as in pple frm their own country. so if i get selected, there's not much room for advancement cuz if they wanna promote, they'll promote their own pple 1st. and if there's no own pple to promote, they'll recruit pple frm their home country to fill up the top positions. tt's wad i heard lar. so it's difficult for pple not frm their country to climb. but again, they mite not want me afterall.
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6) job f - tmr's the interview. interesting job. but i know if i tell any of u.. u guys will be "huh... sure ar..." ma's rather against it cuz she thinks it's a total waste of my education and it's not goin to be very very long-term. i tot so too. but.. it's a totally diff experience lorr.. shant say so much here. don even know if i'll make it. if i make it, then will talk more. if not, den it's ok. even the interview is a gd experience.
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7) job g - not related to bnf. gotta work both weekends for the 1st 4 mths, but got 2 weekdays off. working hours totally diff frm office jobs, so no need to sqz with pple during morning bus rides, lunch and evening bus rides when knock off. attractive pay. im fine with the job. and i agreed le. wed go down discuss contract.
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and now, the delimmas come. 1st) do i really want job g?? it's not related to wad i study in school leh! if let say after 1 yr, then i decided to change job, it will be hard for me to get back into the banking industry. by then, though i already started working for a while, i'll only receive the pay of a fresh grad cuz i got no prior experience. can u imagine? after 5 years i change job. change to one in the banking industry but i only get the pay of a fresh grad. diao... and.. it's a private company. it's a service co. as in, if there's no demand for the service, then wont the co go bust? is it safe/stable to work there? wad if they gotta closed down? hmmm.. all these i gotta discuss when i go down sign the contract. 2nd) job g wanna me to give them a reply by yesterday. but i still got jobs d, e, f ma... wad if d, e or f wants me and they can offer me even better terms? then i'll regret de worr.. so.. those r the dilemmas lor.. anyway, wed then go down sign contract ma. by then, i shld more or less know if d and f wants me. if they want me, then i consider again lor. if not, then i'll sign with g? then work 1st lor. then i'll go for e's interview. and if e's better, i'll juz quit g and jump. but also depends la. maybe i'll love g? haii.. so many uncertainties.. tt's y im sooo sian.
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actually i know it shouldnt be like tt. once i accepted g, i should juz go ahead and should not even go for other interviews and open myself to more options. 做人不是看到更好的就去更好的那里. i know i shouldnt be so mean. hang on to g, yet at the same time looking for something better and dump g when i really get something better. but human beings are fickle and greedy, arent they? aiyer.. i don know lar.. the interviews, i'll juz go. since there's a chance, y not? it's gd experience anyway. they mite not even want me. wait till they want me, then i worry again ba. but then again, if i already settle on g, why look for more trouble by goin to the interviews? if i really get selected, wouldn i be giving myself headache again? arghH!
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and tt's not all. i blogged earlier saying how worried and reluctant im to go work in a bank. now, i have g, which is totally not related to banks, yet im also worried! it's so ironic lar.. huiping ar huiping... u said u don wanna work in a bank cuz ur so dead scared.. but now tt ur not goin into a bank, ur worried tt ur degree will go to a waste.. wad the hell are u thinking abt????? can u be more decisive and know exactly which way u wanna go? go to banking and finance related也不是. 不去也不是. wad do u wan exactly??????
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tt's the prob. i don know. i want work in banks cuz it's prestigous and related to wad i study and the pay should be gd. yet im so scared and stressed. the life there is stressful and mundane. i don wanna look like 45 when im only 25. but then, if don even try, how would i know? if now i don try, then when? maybe i totally love to work in banks? maybe when im 45, i'll still look like 25? maybe it's not so stressful and mundane afterall?
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apparently g and other jobs out of bnf industry seemed less stress and less mundane. but it's not related to wad i study! u get wad i mean? i feel tt if i don go to banks cuz im scare, then im not even giving myself a chance. a chance to try out the banks. argh..i hate this. ok.. im too confused already.. never mind. juz see how. interviews still go. if got options then decide again. if not, g'll be the choice. july coming. this cannot drag on. and i don wanna go thru tt terrible process of send resumes-1st interview-2nd interview. im too tired and sian for tt. i'll juz start on g. maybe i'll like it soo much. u neber know. everything's a uncertainty now.
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shall end with a meaningful quote i came up with myself : when u don know where to start, everywhere's a starting point. yes.. 我是有墨水的. don praise me lest my face turns red. thx.
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