既期待又害怕受伤害

 alright, so... one more week before my dear maid helper is going to leave. 

the feeling is really... 既期待又害怕受伤害.. 

lol 

yes, 是有怕的...

afterall, it has been a good 5yrs since we have a helper. 

before u jump into the conclusion that im a pampered arse, im not. 

in fact, when we only had rayous, we still do everything ourselves. 

it was only when raythorous came along, that we decided we needed an extra pair of hands. 

but, this extra pair of hands does not come with all pros and no cons. 

there are 101 pros in having a helper, but i can tell you, there are also 101 102 cons in having them (will share more in my future posts).

or maybe, its only me. 

5yrs, 5helpers... and none managed to finish their 2yrs contract with me. 

though hubb has been telling me that there r great improvements already, cuz the 1st 3 were in service <1yr, but the last 2 were >1yr. so, yes, improvement in that sense. 

but still.. ha. 

like i say, this time round, 是有挫败感的.. cuz i really thought this helper can complete 2yrs with me.. but alas. 

they always say, treat ur helper like ur own family. 

but, how is that possible, when our relationship has always been built on money since right from the start?

if i dont pay my family members, i think they will still 心甘情愿 help me do things ba. if i scold my family members, i think they will still love me and not be bitter enough to do things to harm me ba.

but.... will they?

we were total strangers. not even friends. not even acquaintances. but suddenly, she is here living in my house.. touching everything in my house, and looking at everyone in my family..... 

and she's here purely for the sake of money only.

tell me, how to be family?

then pple also tell me 将心比心.. not easy for her to leave her family behind and come overseas to work... blah blah... 

but, 吃得了咸鱼就要抵得了咸..... these pple chose to leave their family behind and come here to work for $$$ sake... it's their choice u know, not that i force them to come here one leh... so how empathetic do u want me to be? 

dont know la. 

honestly, i dont think im a nasty person. but when it comes to helpers, i admit my tolerance level for them is ground-low. every little single thing, 我都很看不顺眼. 我纳闷了很久,不知到为什么这样. until hubb correctly pointed out that it was becuz these ladies have stepped into my comfort zone. 

actually every helper started out ok. but when they start making repeated mistakes or do things which i 看不顺眼, i will start to dislike them. then the negative feeling builds up, and it will worsen to an extent that their mere presence also irks me. 

really. 

it's that bad.

the mere presence also irritates me. literally. word by word. 

u can say communicate with them, dont let negative feelings build up. but, 一只鸡,一只鸭, what is there to communicate??

honestly, i hardly talk to my helpers. i only talk to them to give instructions, other than that, nothing else. in the past, when my instructions went wrong, i will flare and scold. now, i really toned down liao. and many times, i will just ask hubb to pass the message, minimize the contact, to prevent eruptions. i tried my best to pretend that she is not there and leave her alone already. 

so many times i want to flare, but i just 忍,忍, and 忍. ironic right? pay pple money to gek sim myself. weird. 

now is 雇主看帮佣的脸色, not the other way round. they not happy, they suka suka can change employer, or worse, wants u to buy a ticket and let her go home. then who kenna? it's us employers ok! paid so much, let her come 搅和... uncalled for! 

so no choice lor, i 忍忍忍 lor, hopefully by minimising our conflicts, she can work for me till contract ends. but alas, no use. she still decided to pre-terminate the contract. see?? no penalty on her for terminating the contract pre-maturely u know! i still have to pay air ticket let her go home... 没天理!

so, never mind. im done deal with hiring a helper already. at least for now. 

no point 一头又再栽下去. though i know its gonna be super tough, till my mentality and behavior can change, i think no helper will be able to finish their contracts with me.

no point waste money again. esp now the fee are super high due to shn etc..

so.... 自己来咯..... 真的很怕... but i guess 船到桥头自然直吧...

and now with the 2boys older and able to do 70% 50% of the stuff themselves, it should be better i hope? and unlike the previous time when the helper just dropped and go, this helper gave us ample time to work things out... which i did..... so.... lol 

good luck to me!!!!!!!!!!!!