oh hi uniforms (and masks)! 

good to see u again since we last met in april! 2mths already!! 

haha! 

yeah, originally still cant bear to let these 2 brats go back to school. 

but now, i think im also getting the toil of WFH with children liao. 

honestly, work and children cannot be together. 

u jolly well know you should be working full force, but yet, u cant, cuz every now and then, the children will come to you for something - hungry la, need to go toilet la, wants to play la, come kajiao u la etc etc etc. then in the room working, im also worried if they are ok outside, so once in every while, will have to go out and check on them abit - make sure they drink water la, screens not too close la, not sucking finger la... blah blah. 

on the other hand, u feel super guilty when u want to concentrate on ur work and when the children come and find u, u hushed them away with words like 'im bz, pls go away... im at work, pls go out... keep quiet.... hurry up, i need to work etc etc etc..'

to the extent that this didi said to me 'if you dont want to listen to me, then i wont listen to you too'....... 

omg. that's what i always said to them. and now, he is using my own words on me!  

kaoz.

but yes, why am i hushing them becuz of work? why am i not listening to them becuz of work? why am i neglecting their needs juz cuz i need to work????????

yet, those hours are indeed meant to be at work... 

and not to mention those off-work hours when im still working. 

u see the contradictions and struggles??

so, i guess, it's good to let them go back to school.

their needs will be properly taken care of by the school. they learn, play, spend their time more meaningfully, while we can concentrate on our work without having to feel excessive guilt. 

yep, so boys, back to reality ok! 

no more nua-ing at home and in lala land liao. hohohoho

and things at work are really taking a toil on me. 

everything is wrong. just wrong. 

should really consider if i should stay on, or just take a hiatus for awhile. 

很累, 真的很累. 

perhaps it's really the wfh w children that's making it worse. but.... 

sighhhh...

or perhaps im just a wrong fit in the first place... or probably not in the first place... but now, im definitely a wrong fit. 

haiiiiix. 

很受伤. 

但又能怎样.....??