haha, vesak day, public holiday! 

finally one day when i can sleep till 自然醒!

monday to friday, need to work, so of cuz no 自然醒. and weekends, unfortunately, despite i thought didi can make it, he still cannot!!!!

he still isint sleeping thru the night yet!!!!!!!!!

OMG!! 

whyyyy??

there were times when he slept thru liao. and in taiwan, he really did sleep through... so why now still like that????

he will go to sleep, but always will wake up around 1.30am. then he will take quite a bit of pacifying, probably half hr, before he can finally go back to sleep. then somewhere along the night, maybe 3plus, maybe 4plus, he will come again.........

sometimes we make milk for him and he drinks, but rightfully, he shouldnt be feeling hungry at this age at this time already. 

dont know why still like that. but i also cannot remember when rayous managed to sleep thru the night liao. so.. haiz.. 

anyway, sleeping thru is one thing. raythorous tends to wake up early also, like 7plus?? ok, thats normal, becuz rayous used to wake up soo early also! 

and sometimes, raythorous is still sleeping, but this rayous will wake up... so... it's really just no way that i can sleep till 自然醒!!!

haiiiii... 

sometimes, i really do miss the days when i have no kids........... 

told her to cut brocolli and was expecting the end pdt to look like this..

but in the end, the end pdt looks like this... 

one whole brocolli, 就这样给她糟塌了.

lucky is brocolli, not some other expensive ingredients... 

tell me la... cut one vegetable also can cut wrongly..... like that how?????? how to trust these pple to do the right things? i really dont know how some pple can safely entrust their children in their care.

the worse worse form of communication is when u tot u have explained clearly, and the person receiving the instruction tot she has understand clearly, but in the end, there are still differences in the expected outcome and the actual outcome. 

really reallly realllllly very siannnnnnnnn. 

骂她, 又怕她bitter, 怕她做得不开心, in the end give me more problems. 不骂她, 自己又中内伤. 和她解释, 又不懂她到底明不明白。她说她明白, 可是做出来的还是错。

we are really going in circles... 没完没了...

怎么办??

why am i spending money to have someone making me upset and giving me problems?? 

if i have to monitor and stand side by side to guide her in everything she does, then might as well i do it myself right???? if i can only ask her to do the routine stuff and any adhoc stuff, i better do them myself, then, what for i still want her???

really scare of asking her to do things now. later do wrongly, make myself angry only. dont even feel like talking to her or looking at her now.. gosh, isint this exactly the same state that i had w the previous one??? why is the relationship turning unhealthy again???

is it my expectations too high??  or i just dont know how to communicate with them????

urggggh!!! 

whyyyy??? whyyyyyy???? whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????????

**************

just watched the live royal wedding... 

原来,飞上枝头真的可以变凤凰.

she's really one lucky person. 

**************

and yesterday, rayous vomitted on both of his beloved bao bao (ie pillows). so, i made him threw both away, just like how he threw his pacifier away (and yes, w that, he had successfully weaned off his pacifier! yes!!!)

in the past, he will always ask for his pacifier and bao bao when in distress. and when we go out, we will have to remember to bring these items, else, it will be difficult to pacify him. after he threw his pacifier away, he only asked for the baos baos. 

now good, nothing else that he will ask for liao! no more (over)reliance on any of such items! 

woohoo! 

good job! 

in barely 2 months, the boys are sick again!!

i think it started with rayous coughing. just came back from school and suddenly got a cough. no prior signs at all. then he sort of recovered within 1-2days, but continued to have runny nose. then didi kenna the runny nose and then cough. and then rayous kenna fever, and then didi also kenna fever. 

this is OMG x 1000000000000000

why why why is it sooooooooooo frequent?????????

didnt they say that breast-milk fed babies are stronger with better immunity????! 

then why????

looking back at my past posts, it seems like they will fall sick once every 2months. really! 

ok, so perhaps, breastmilk did help afterall. cuz the pedi was saying it's normal for kids who go to school to fall sick as often as once a month ma. but now, rayous falls sick only once every two months. so, he's already faring better than the norm, and that probably has to give credit to the breast-milk, yea??

yah. what consolation. 

i really dont know how to break these cycles. i guess nothing, except to let them grow up and immunity builds on its own. according to the pedis, that will be around age 5. 

uhhhh.

or should i just withdraw rayous from school??? everyday have to force him out of bed, also very cruel.... 

it probably will help to make him fall sick less, but the other developments leh? and no way MIL can cope with 2 kiddos at home whole day. 

haiiz. 

really not so nice to be always on urgent leaves. lucky my immediate colleagues and superior all have children, so hopefully, they can understand and emphathise better. 

oh, and hubb also kenna the flu and cough this time. and the helper also. ok, again, the 小人 me suspect it could be the helper who started it all! but, i guess not la. looks like maybe it's really not the helpers' fault at all, cuz changed helper liao, but the frequency of falling sick is still as high. ha. 

and the most amazing thing was....... i am unscathed this time round! at least so far! ok la, i also got a bit of blocked nose, but not as bad as the past when i will develop into bad cough. 

i would like to credit that to the vitamins that ive been taking. hoho! looks like taking supplements really will help to boost abit. 

ok. good luck. 

bet i'll be writing and complaining abt the same thing in july. 

trust me. 

13 May 2018

today is the day. 

the day when i feel i dont have to pump at all! 

wahhhhahahah!

yes, im still pumping as at this very mmt that im writing this. literally. but really is pump for the sake of pumping only lor. actually dont pump also can de, no hardness, no soreness. 

looks like, it's time to stop totally liao.

i guess in life, one really dont have to worry too much. remember how desperate i was back then, that i had to resort to buying the milk-boosting supplement - fenugreek? and that time when didi was about 5months old, i was already all prepared to supplement with formula liao, cuz really not supplying enough. who knows.... i actually managed to bridge thru 6mths and even beyond 1yr! 

actually i only started him on formula about a few weeks b4 the tw trip. and lucky, he was ok with the milk powder. all the while, i pump 3x a day - morning, lunch and night. then during tw trip, i pumped 2x - morning and night. and after back from the tw trip, the supply dropped and i only eventually pumped once a day - during lunch time (and the volume is really quite pathetic liao.. maybe only about 3-4oz in total...)

now.... at least for today... 好像totally dont pump also can liao wor. 

woohooo! 

continued on 14 May 2018..

having to pump is honestly a chore and really time consuming (i cannot tell u how troublesome it is, only mothers who have went thru it will know!!). 3x 40mins = 2hrs ok! 2 hrs each day spent just on pumping ok! lucky have the hands-free bra, so still can pump while doing other things, else, literally sit there do nothing except to hold the pumps! OMG!

alright! 

the 2 hours saved can now be much better spent elsewhere liao! morning can sleep later, night can sleep earlier, and lunch time got more flexibility liao! 

hahah!

happy! 

oh.. and i heard from dont know where.. that pro-longed breast-feeding is actually not good to the mother, cuz it takes away the nutrients of the mother. well. perhaps true to an extent... breastmilk.... 妈妈的精华..

ok, still got quite a few packets of frozen milk in the freezer. shall slowly let him finish all (concurrent with the formula). and that's it liao. can keep my pumps and accessories till the next baby liao! 

LOL 

cheers! 

Taiwan Trip Day 4 - 17 April 2018

day 4 of our tw trip!

checked out of the amba hotel where we stayed for 3 nights, and embarked on our journey to cingjing farm. the original intention was to stay at cingjing for 1 night, followed by alishan for another night. but after much tot, i decided to forgo alishan and to stay 2 nights at cingjing instead, cuz alishan really nothing much to see. 

and boy, was my decision right! continue later.. 

anyway, so, technically, we had 1 day 'extra' since we r not going to alishan liao ma. so this one day, was spent quite bo-liaoly. 

went to this hakka street, but unfortunately, most of the shops were closed due to some polling day that they had.. 

had our lunch in one of the restaurant... 

and then was to this bakery shop which apparently is the no1 bakery in taiwan... 

the service is not bad, all kinds of samples and free tea provided. apparently they are famous for their sun biscuits, but i bought none, cuz really so-so only. not the type of sun biscuits that i like. quite disappointing.. 

and lucky we came to this bakery, cuz it was at this place, where our barangs barangs were packed and sealed into boxes. yea, they provide such services! heng ahh..

else, i really dont know where to find the space to bring all our stuff back.

and also, this day was spent shopping seaching for winter clothings! like i said, we were seriously under-dressed. taipei was already cold and it would be much worse at cingjing. so we hurriedly went to grab additional clothing.

unfortunately, they were already changing season, so not much winter clothing liao. in the end, managed to get some sweaters, jackets and long pants for the children. better than nothing lor. and not cheap ok. total damage abt S$150 ok! really horrr...

and boy, cingjing was really dammmmmmnnnnn cold.......... and lucky we forgo alishan, becuz alishan will be even colder!!

our dinner that night.. 

this restaurant has no indoor sitting, so we really were damn cold la. should have enjoyed the food, but couldnt, cuz half the time worrying if it was too cold for the boys and folks. duh. 

and so, we arrived at the cingjing minsu at night. it was super cold, and our minsu had no lift. to make things worse, to reach our rooms, we had to walk a steep slope and climb super many flights of stairs (the folk's room was at the 2nd storey while our room was at the 3rd storey)!! 

really! no kidding! 

i almost fainted when i saw the route to the rooms. not worried for myself nor the children. but worried for mum!

it really was 屋漏偏逢连夜雨!!!!

the driver told us to demand for a change of room, to one which was nearer to the entrance. but the nearer rooms were all occupied that night. then the driver secretly told us that he can help us change minsu if really need be, but we did not la.

anyway, it really was tough for mum la. she walked the steep slope, then climbed a few stairs to reach the pavilion where she sat and rested for a while in the cold dark night, while the rest of us were thinking how to get her up the rest of the stairs. and the guys (hubb, driver and minsu owner..) were even contemplating if can literally carry her up the stairs. 

i really should have taken a pic of how jialek the whole situation was!! really OMG lor. 

in the end, she slowly made her way up la. really have to give her 2 thumbs up to have survived that!!

lucky the next day, they changed the room for the folks to the nearer one, so they dont have to walk so far and, spare the stairs pls! 

and lucky, the minsu provided complimentary winter wear! so, we quickly each grab one 1st!

i was expecting cinging to be at maybe 18 or 20deg c, so maybe jacket will suffice. who knows, that night that we arrived, was 8 deg c ok!!!

and the rooms had no room heater, only got heater blanket. staying on the bed was warm, but once away from the bed, it was cold again. 

brrrrrrrrr....

 really mama drama..

wahahhaha. we have redeemed our hdb loan. woohoo!

still remembered the day we went to hdb hub to collect the keys some 5yrs ago.. full of uncertainty, cuz i was at the verge of resigning without a job. and now, about 5yrs down, the loan has been fully repaid! 

phewwww!!

ok, can save on some interests. cpf almost wiped out liao... but nvm, shall consolidate again.. and then... working towards our bigger plan!! jiayou!! 

and, just received news that there will be a new mrt line and, it's just 3mins walk away from our block! 

woohooo! 

though the completion will only be in 2026, which is 8yrs from now, but it's still something to look forward to, right?

though in the meantime, we will have to bear with the construction... 

uh-oh. 

ok, anyway, 1 loan down. 

good! 

TaiWan Day 3 - 16 April 2018

day 3 of our tw trip! 

still unexpectedly cold......... 

our hotel, amba, in xmd... yeah, that's the hotel that not only provided the baby cot, but also the bathing accessories. nice! the breakfast is not bad too! 

first station was to the longshan temple. actually supposed to visit the temple on day 2, but becuz day 3 was 初一, so we visited the temple on day 3 instead. 

then to jiufen!

still a charming street with many things to see and many things to buy! and of cuz, lots of pple too! 

actually during this trip, hubb and i both felt that the taiwanese are not as friendly and helpful as they used to be liao. really. dont know why, but it's really the case lor. all the while, in my opinion, taiwanese are the friendliest pple i encountered thus far, even better than the japanese. but this time round, no more such friendliness. everybody like face black black, and not as helpful also.. quite sad, really. 

we bought soo many barangs here! really lucky got driver.. else i really wont know how to handle... 

next to 黄金瀑布 and 阴阳海. nothing much la. just went down and took some pics, that's all..

and then to shifen! i've been to tw for like 3 or 4x already? but i've never been to shifen before. i guess it was becuz shifen is super far and inconvenient, that's y i always gave it a missed.  no point travel all the way there, just to 放天灯. but this time round, i made it a point to go to shifen, cuz never been there before ma. cant be visiting all the same old places with no new place to see this time round, right..

and yes, it's really quite a nice place to be at.. 

crowded also, and a very colorful place, cuz everywhere is the 天灯s..

huat huat ahhh!

love didi's expression in this pic..  looking at the 天灯 i guess...  LOL

dinner was at the keelung night market. but becuz we were all already tired, we just went to the nearest decent stall and ate. then it kind of started drizzling, so din get to really explore this night market which i also had never been before. but i guess, the stuff at the night markets are 大同小异 ba...

and know what? the milk bottle cleanser that we brought was running out, and we had to go source for it. we only brought a small bottle, din expect it to run out so fast! lucky managed to find it at one of the shop there! see? in foreign land still need to buy milk bottle cleanser, of all things! really OMG!! 

but the good thing was, their pigeon cleanser is made in japan one wor! unlike our ones here, made in thailand... LOL

and this rayous was having great fun with the machines just outside the shop..

yeah, all thanks to me still pumping.. so, still many accessories to be washed... 

i think i really need to pat myself on the shoulder. on hindsight, i also dont know how i managed it all. hahahahahaha. 

ok, stay tune for the next coming! 

my dear helper nearly poured away my bird nest just now. 

told her to 'pour for me', and she nearly poured it away! 

lucky i was just standing nearby to be able to stop her in time! 

OMG!! 

seriously!! 

cannot imagine what would happen if i had just walked away, expecting her to bring me the bird nest, only to realise that she had poured it away!!! 

命案可能会发生.

talk to them, really can die!!!! 

honestly, i still dont like them. tot changed a new one, would be better. but.... 1month down.... again, negative feeling towards her liao. haiiii.

in the past, when no maid, always tot having a maid is a darn shiok thing. 

but alas, 理想和现实真的有差. 

if i have a choice, i would rather not have a helper at all. 

a stranger in the house. 看又看不爽。骂又不是，不骂又不是.

i used to wonder y my colleague doesnt bring his helper out, when he goes out w his wife and children. now, i can fully understand why. now that didi is older and lucky we had the house camera-ed, we could safely (hopefully) leave her alone at home, while we go out. i seriously do not like her to tag along w us. for gods sake, 能离我们多远，就离我们多远. 

i guess i really should find a filippino next time. at least they are smarter (rumoured to be, at least) and communication is not an issue (hopefully!!). 

or maybe, it's really just me, who just cannot accept them nicely. 

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

讨厌 x 1000000000